And another slap on the face. Ok, I deserve it, for being naive, careless...forgetful. I know my intention is not to be so, but I am. The thing is...I lost trust long time ago. Perhaps I never had it. In myself; in life; in others. Let alone having faith. The faith I thought I had before was about waiting for a miracle to happen... for someone to help or something to appear... If that is faith...then I feel it's wrong.
I have had these moments before. That is why I start saying "another slap..." That means, "another realisation". Why is it that we always forget of that realisation? Why does it last for so little time? Why can't we hold on to that for longer, and make those crucial steps for change stronger and stronger? Why can some do it and others can't? It seems that the fibre one is born with differs greatly from one human being to another. The thing is, I have had my help; my "miracles", my opportunities.... I did not use them wisely. I did not think properly and/or appreciated them enough to make something out of it. And now I feel lost. Lost in the vast sea of disappointment and lack of confidence. Lost in my illusions and distractions..and in a lack of energy. I hope, this is the beginning of something new. As finding myself in the void... I hope this helps me gain perspective of myself and my life again, it is up to me what I do with it. Carpe diem.
